I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
