in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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