You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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