I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
