apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
