I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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