rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
