I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
