Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
