she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize