my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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