Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
