I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
