Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm both gender and math confused
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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