Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
