my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
