Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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