At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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