Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
