My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
