I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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