yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
