What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
