Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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