no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
