You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
