I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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