your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
