Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
