have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
