He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
