That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
