i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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