People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize