just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
