No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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