i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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