I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize