Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize