In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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