planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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