Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my being single is dangerous.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
