Tell her she can't have a vagina
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
