Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just had sex on a roof
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
