I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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