forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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