you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
