I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
