Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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