they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
