Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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