The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize