I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
