Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
