so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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