we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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