Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
