So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
