Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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