The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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