i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
