The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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