his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
