my being single is dangerous.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
