Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
