I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Randomize
